I feel like my entire life I have been turtling under a mountain of stress just hoping that it does not crack my shell. Always hoping for relief but only ever getting put under more pressure.

The whole reason I motivate myself to work and try to improve things is so that someday I can take a break and not feel this anymore but the longer I live the deeper the hole gets and I don't know if I will ever get out of it.

@Ian You can get out of it. I believe in you. You have mastered work ethic (I mean this in the context of you being able to hold a job and stick with it even when life you don't enjoy it), but there is much more to life than work. If you approach your life systematically and work on fulfilling your well-rounded reserves of needs, you can find the peace and contentment you're looking for. Identify what's missing, and dedicate 1% of your time each day to adding a little more of it to your life.

@an0rkia Thanks :) You are always the master of what I need to hear.

@Ian I've got your back, buddy. You telling me that I am the master of what you need to hear was really what I needed to hear, and I didn't even know it. Thanks, dude.

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